Only a mothe r could love this liver
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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