i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize