sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
