How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
