There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
