'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
