If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
