please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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