I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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