Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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