I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
