fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
