I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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