dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
