Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How does one acquire holy water?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
