he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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