and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
