I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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