I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
