If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
should my penis look like a turkey
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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