I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
