Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
