I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
