So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
