I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Never joke about your clitoris.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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