My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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