he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
