I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
