he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
