dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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