I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
