I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
