I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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