tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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