I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
