the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.