if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
