Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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