My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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