quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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