You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
