Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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