I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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