btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
