wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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