hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so that wasnt chicken after all
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
