sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
