You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
