i wish starbucks made bloody marys
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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