so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
