you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
