I am puke
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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