toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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