SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
