I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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