Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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