The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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