Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
