Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
