i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
