Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it glows. i had to have it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
