You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
