Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
