so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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