Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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