Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize