i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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