Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
