if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
