Farmville is her only friend.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
