There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
