somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
