i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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