Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
