I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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