just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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