I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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