Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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