I heard we made out
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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