ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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