Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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