thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
