would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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