I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
